A new year, a new era in my life, many things are happening, some bringing joy and some bringing worry. You taught me that there are three things no one may escape in his/her lifetime: work, sorrow, and illness. Work and illness concern us the most as the year begins. You will be surprise to know that ever since I have lived in this land, I have learned much about myself, seeing myself struggle and often prosper among people of another race. What am I doing here? Is it the end of it? How did I start?

             I remember you taught me that we should never allow misfortune to revenge us. We fight and, when we can fight no longer, we move on and continue the struggle of life elsewhere, hoping that success will at last be ours before the struggle is over. With this philosophy to sustain us, the world is ours to roam, and strange lands do not daunt us. I am afraid. I have not been well. I am also very tired although people can see my legs, arms, and hands are still moving properly; perhaps there is something else wrong with me.

             Your dream! My dream! I pray also for your blessing on our venture, a dream which will be reality sooner than any of us had hope. You once told me not to ponder and dream of yesterday when today is waiting to be met. But if I sometimes sit and dream of yesterday, and the dream seems to lend today a little grace, can it be wrong? I know you miss the whisper of your father, your little tree house, including your all other memories. In the room you used to sleep, grandma’s old sewing machine crouches in a corner, under a dozen socks no one will ever mend. The old soft armchair where you sat to watch television still makes clear vibrant sound. In this land, I am sitting down at a dinning table surrounded by empty chair. Why?

             I believe that an illness or affliction that came by itself will go away by itself. Do u believe it, too? I know you tried to convince me to go to a doctor, but I am afraid that it is too much than he can help. He says that my pulse shows, my dear fellow, that I have and infected liver, a bad lung and too much blood, thank you for helping me live with it. Without you, my work would have been more difficult, my sorrow could have been worse, and my illness would have killed me long ago. I am alive.

             I have been using all my power. I am exhausted. You told me that it would be just fine if I keep fighting. I am strong, but so weak when I am with you. Please tell my legs to stand, tell my arms to heave. I notice how tired you look. Too much traveling, too many years of toiling between sea and land, I wish you would stay with me forever although you might not like that yourself. You, whom I met by chance, mean so much to me. Please forgive me for not able to live on my own. The hours and days dragged by endlessly.  Have never seen anything quite like it. The sky had never been so bright and blue. The sunset puts on the brilliant show of red and orange. This light of energy that travel though the vibrant body. I refuse to deplore the loss of the sunshine.  

              I am now so pale with grief and fatigue, but I determine to be strong. Am I  trying too hard to keep my poor heart beating? A beat at a time .An evil, ugly thing sustaining itself on the body of one I loved, sucking life from her until, finally, it died with her. The only question now was how many days I have left to give it. I bought tickets for us to the end of the rainbow. Let’s watch the star crush in the sea. Let the rain fall, so that we will be brighter than the sunshine.

             Thank you for teaching me many things about life, and I am learning to admit the truth, which is less difficult than I feared. I have never regretted to call you my best friend. Your determination is incredible. But, now I even struggle to sit up. What they have to do from now is to lift me out of bed into the coffin and shut it.  Your voices that I have been hearing for all of my life are gradually disappearing. I know that I was very stubborn; you have devoted most of your life arguing with me. I am now surrendering, not to you, but to my body. You are real because you are not only my HEART, but my soul that is eternally quintessential.